Kelly Clarkson: the girl who’s saving me with an anthem… again.
I owe Kelly Clarkson a glass of wine and a super girly version of a high five.
Let me explain. I have had a year that emotionally would kick Buddha’s ass. Moving across the country, the most significant break up of my life and a great deal of self consciousness, newfound self awareness and above all, self reflection. Tumultuous isn’t a big enough word to describe the upheaval and learning curve I’ve had to hang onto over the past 12 months, fantastic and cripplingly awful. And like many people do, I cling to the art in life to get me through. Yes there’s usually a bottle of wine in a clenched fist and a lot of swear words that goes along with this art… but mainly it’s music, films, good tv, shitty tv and natural beauty that bring me back down to earth with a frame of mind that allows me to see things as possible again… allow me to breathe without wheezing. Allow me to smile without having to think to myself, “just smile”.
And when you’re dealing with the craziness of life isn’t it ultimately the most frustrating thing when you can’t even enjoy that goofy comedy or intense moment with your favorite characters on your favorite show? Not being able to happily shout your favorite pop song because you’re wailing out your window instead of singing? I’ve been trying to use my fallbacks lately to get through: re-watching sexy action movies like The Bourne Identity or old Office episodes and even Friends reruns (only to make me miss the connection with my ex, friends from back home and making me swear that THIS week I’ll work on my abs EVERY DAY), following Dexter kill each of his new hits (though I end up in a rage wishing it was that easy to punish the people who made you or others feel like shit). I haven’t even gotten through 40 Year Old Virgin recently without a tear somewhere because aside from all the jerk-off jokes, she just GETS him and how rare is that??? And musically I can’t switch the radio station without getting an Adele song that makes me feel like if I don’t find a bathtub full of puppies to live in then I just won’t make it because life isn’t fair.
So with no where else to turn, it has again become Miss. Kelly Clarkson’s voice that is bringing me out of that sad black hole of “what the fuck.” Just in time, she has a new single again, and I’ll say that with pride. Just in time, it’s a song that admits to being hurt and human and at the same time taking the shit into your own hands and screaming out to yourself and the world that WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER. It’s a phrase we’ve all heard a million times, but when Kelly sings it, it makes sense. It comes from her gut. It’s raw, it’s real, it’s fighting.
She’s been there for me before. I’m friends with songwriters and I know that she didn’t put these together herself, but the difference is that no one could deliver the sentiment to me like she does. Walk Away, How I Feel, Behind these Hazel Eyes, What’s up Lonely, Since You’ve Been Gone, Low… the girl has felt pain, she hasn’t always had a fairytale life and even when we all thought she started one, you come to find out how hard she’s had to fight for her continual success. She’s been ridiculed, broken up with, called “fat” and “over” and worst of all, “replaced”.
But she’s still here. She’s still singing and I can’t thank her enough because as I try to move through some of the most challenging feelings I’ve ever been forced to experience, I need her voice. I need a song written by someone who knows what their doing and sung by Kelly. Because all other art aside, all criticism aside, you can’t deny that the girl can sing, and sing with heart that you can’t fake.
And you know what? I’m going to be fine. I’m going to be more than fine and so will all of us. And when I’m not able to say that? Damn Kelly, I’ve got you on repeat… so, thanks.